Idiot Dance, defined: spending at least 30 minutes with technical support, repeatedly going through the same circuitous set of troubleshooting techniques that you already tried before phoning, yet not having your problem resolved by the support “pros.”
At CDLLC, we do not do the Idiot Dance. We retain such close business relationships with our clients, and we are fortunate enough to have the privilege of selecting our clients, that the possibility for Idiot Dancing can never arise.
And now, I present you with the Idiot Dance of one of nCrockett Dunn, LLC’s newest customers (all names have been changed to protect all parties involved). NOTE, CDLLC crack squad of engineers resolved this in 30 minutes:
Take a deep breath…. here it is:
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SUPPORT: Thank you for visiting BigBad.com’s Live Support. How can I help you?
SUPPORT: Hello CLIENT.
SUPPORT: May I have the domain name you are contacting us about today?
CLIENT: extremely frustrated over the past week. i have had an enormous amount of losses via email. i have 70 employees and this has to be resolved now.
SUPPORT: Thank you for this information and I apologize for any inconvenience.
CLIENT: what can you do to help beyond my 10 or so attempts to get this resolved?
CLIENT: are you there?
CLIENT: CLIENT@CLIENTDOMAIN.COM
CLIENT: http://www.CLIENTDOMAIN.COM
CLIENT: password: **************
CLIENT: hello?
SUPPORT: Sorry for any delay in response.
SUPPORT: What problems are you facing?
CLIENT: i can’t send or receive email; when i press the send/receive button on outlook a box appears asking for username and password; when i type the password [which i’ve had since 2001] the box reappears and i can go no further; i also cannot log into webmail; i changed my password and still can’t get into webmail;
CLIENT: are you still there?
SUPPORT: Yes.
SUPPORT: Client, username should be your complete email addresss.
SUPPORT: Password: – Same that you use at http://MAIL.CLIENTDOMAIN.COM
SUPPORT: Are you sure that you have correct information?
CLIENT: Support rep, I have been using this email service since 2001. I know the username is the full email address. I have had the same password since 2001. I know what this password is. I just recently changed this password. I still can’t log into my account. Please reply with advanced instructions.
SUPPORT: Let me access your email account with this login information.
SUPPORT: It seems that your password is not correct.
SUPPORT: Please change the password by logging into your Account Manager and then use that password to access your email through your POP 3 email client.
CLIENT: new password: ***********
SUPPORT: It is also not working.
SUPPORT: Let me try reset the password of your email account and login to the email account.
SUPPORT: For security purposes, before discussing or changing anything today I need to confirm you to this account.
SUPPORT: To do this, I have sent you a Security Code to the email address anotheremail@alternatedom.com, please paste it into this Chat Window.
CLIENT: ****** is the password
– – –
CLIENT: From: “support@BigBad.com”
To: anotheremail@alternatedom.com
Sent: Monday, July 6, 2009 9:55:10 AM
Subject: BigBad.com – Your email password has been modified
Dear Valued CLIENT,
Thank you for choosing BigBad.com.
As requested, we have modified the email password for the email box for *******.
If you have any further questions about this process and wish to consult with a CLIENT Service Representative you can contact us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, by submitting a request online at
http://help.BigBad.com/enduser/idiotdance.php or by contacting one of the numbers below.
Thank you for choosing BigBad.com.
Support
http://help.BigBad.com BigBad.com, Inc Toll free in the U.S. and Canada: (555) 555-1212 Outside the U.S. and Canada +1 (555) 555-1234
CLIENT: i have a meeting in 10min and will need you to expedite this session
CLIENT: please give me an estimated time of completion
CLIENT: hello?
SUPPORT: Can you please provide me the security code sent to anotheremail@alternatedom.com?
CLIENT: what i sent you above is what came into my email box
SUPPORT: Please check all the folders of your email account, you should have received email with the Subject “Your Security Code” from the email address support@BigBad.com.
CLIENT: #########
CLIENT: please give me an estimated time of completion CLIENT: are you there?
SUPPORT: Yes.
SUPPORT: I will try my best to assist you as quickly as possible.
SUPPORT: Sorry for any delay in response.
SUPPORT: Can you please wait for a few minutes while I check your email account after resetting the password?
SUPPORT: I am sorry, by mistake I have changed the password of anotheruser@clientdomain.com to ********
SUPPORT: I have reset the password of client@clientdomain.com to ******, still I am unable to login.
SUPPORT: I will have to forward this issue to the appropriate department and they will contact you soon via email in this regard.
CLIENT: Support rep, this is not good enough. I need a CLIENT service rep to call me at 205.907.8007 immediately.
SUPPORT: I once again sincerely apologize for any inconvenience and appreciate your cooperation.
SUPPORT: We have a different department for phone support.
SUPPORT: However, I will ask them to contact you soon via email or phone.
CLIENT: i don’t care. i need you to get someone to call me IMMEDIATELY
SUPPORT: I can provide you phone number for our phone support.
SUPPORT:
Our Customer Service department can be reached toll free in the U.S. and Canada at (555) 555-1212. If you are an International customer, please call
+1 (555) 555-1212.
CLIENT: NO. I CANNOT WAIT 20MIN FOR PHONE SUPPORT. THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR A FULL WEEK!
CLIENT: Are you there?
CLIENT: Hello?
SUPPORT: Let me once again try to reset the password.
SUPPORT: Please wait, I am trying my best to resolve your issue.
CLIENT: Support rep, we have now been communicating for almost 1hr. We have gotten nowhere. I need special attention on this matter.
SUPPORT: CLIENT, there seems to be some technical issue with your email account.
SUPPORT: Please note that these type of issues are handled only by the appropriate department.
SUPPORT: However, I will try my best to make sure your issue gets resolved at the earliest.
SUPPORT: Please be assured that they will contact you soon.
SUPPORT: May I have any of your alternative email addresses?
CLIENT: altemail@anotherdomain.com
CLIENT: I don’t have time to spend hours each day to resolve this.
SUPPORT: Thank you. I will ask them to contact you at the earliest via email or phone.
CLIENT: when will they call?
SUPPORT: This needs to be done by a different department, therefore I cannot assure you approximate time limit. However, I will put a note for them to contact you at the earliest.
CLIENT: I cannot continue to go through this. I have been extremely patient. I am a paying customer. I need DIRECT SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.
SUPPORT: Yes, CLIENT. I understand your concern.
SUPPORT: I sincerely apologize once again but I know apologies will not work at this moment because business is at stake.
SUPPORT: I will ask them to resolve your issue on highest priority basis.
CLIENT: Business is already lost; What’s more concerning is when I go through the proper channels and make the appropriate changes with customer service, nothing happens.
CLIENT: I will be waiting for a phone call. Make sure they leave a direct phone number on my voicemail if I am unable to take the call.
CLIENT: I have to go now.